Ever since I was about 10 weeks pregnant I’ve noticed I haven’t been the same. The constant thoughts and emotions that cascade through my brain, the pain that my mind seems to put my body through from day to day. Through my first pregnancy I felt under immense pressure by everyone around me and not only did the decision of having the child effect me but it impacted a lot around me.
Now my girls are my world and I love them to pieces and would not wish upon any star to take them back. I have this daily struggle of trying to be strong for them and raise them as healthy and well as I can, It’s not that I feel like I am incapable but it’s like my mind and my body do different things.
I feel under appreciated and normally that doesn’t bother me. The mothers these days have immense pressure upon their shoulders of having to cook, clean and doing all this housework and are still expected to spend every waking moment with their child whilst the father goes to work and comes back and lounges around. Now back in the day it was normal but women were not allowed to question their man who worked for all the money. Honestly I don’t mind the father or any breadwinner having to come home and take a rest from a hard days work but mothers or even stay at home dads deserve a little ‘me’ time, even if thats just a 5 minute shower by themselves but don’t use the excuse that because you work you’re excused from caring for your child. It grinds my gears when any parent neglects to care for their child and then when the child does well later on in life they say that they raised them well.
The Daily Devil of dealing with anything like Anxiety or Depression doesn’t get better if left in the dark. Think of yourself like a fire, You can be ambitious, happy and feeling alive but once there is no more oxygen for the fire and it gets covers the flame goes out and along with it your sense of self.
Around this time 4 years ago my life was going to change for better or worse. I found out I was pregnant and honestly didn’t want to believe, I was in denial. The hardest thing was when I was going to tell my parents. Being 17 at the time I was still in high school and didn’t want to leave when I had less than a year left. I finally had the courage to tell my parents when I was 13 weeks and decided to finish school.
Being pregnant and still being at school was hard, like mentally and physically you just feel worn out. The constant sickness and aches as well as gossipers and people make snide comments. It made it easier having my best friend around helping me as the father lived overseas.
Through out my pregnancy the father and I were constantly on and off fighting about it. The decision of what to do, how to live and work around this child who was about to come into our lives. I felt angered that this wasn’t how I wanted to my first pregnancy to be, I was constantly stressed and tired, feeling lonely.
It took me a while to realised that I only need to think about what’s best for the baby and myself. It wasn’t until I was about 6-7 months being pregnant that things started to look better, I finally started to feel like I was suppose to.
As the days flew by after that she finally came 3 days after her due date and nearly 23 hours in labour I had my first little girl. She was the silver lining in my life.
Now there is a lot of things in between each line and part of this story and it would take me ages to go into full depth with it, so I wanted to do part by part with each starting with a quick overview of it all.
Let me start off by writing a bit about myself.
I am currently 21 years old, I have 2 beautiful girls. I had my first child at 18 years old and my second at 20. I live in Melbourne and well … could do with a nap.
Now I know there with be people who critique and judge about how I raise my girls or even how anyone raises their kids and honestly if the kids are happy, healthy and have the essentials then who are they to judge.
I started this blog on the bases of giving myself a vent place where I could write and not feel like it has to be justified by others. It also might help others understand how somethings in life don’t always work out but you just have to make the most of it. I also hope that there might be people in the same situations and would find comfort in knowing they are not alone.
I don’t want to carry on for my first post and even though it’s not much about myself, with each post you will see more of me in every post.